Bible Study - Joel 2:12-14

"Even now," declares the Lord, "Return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing - grain offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God. - Joel 2:12-14 (NIV)

I've been meditating over something that our pastor said in a sermon a couple of weeks ago.

"It's not about what's in our hands. It's about what's in our hearts."

I think this verse from Joel, gives us something to think about in this regard. Joel says to "Rend your heart and not your garments". In other scriptures, the tearing of a person's clothing would signify a type of grief. Tearing their clothes was a big deal because clothes were not easy to come by like the are for us. They couldn't just go to a mall and pick up something else to wear. It was not cheap to make new clothes and it took time.

I was trying to think of something that might be equivalent for us today and the first thing that came to mind was my car. I could destroy my car because of my guilt and grief to show others how much grief I feel over something. Man, that would stink. I would have to save up money and figure out a way to get around until I was able to get another car. And every time I needed to go somewhere I would remember my grief.

But in this verse, Joel tells us it isn't about what we do on the outside to show that we are grieved or feel guilt for our sins. It is about what's in our heart, which God can see by the way. He knows....even if I were to destroy my car and make a huge outward sign to others...he knows if my heart truly feels the pain of what I've done. In another translation it says, "Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God." - Joel 2:13 (HCS) This really speaks to me. We should be torn up inside and fully repentant for God to consider showing grace. Otherwise, what point is there because we will likely turn right back to the sin that caused our grief in the first place.

Last night, my oldest son got in trouble for not listening when he was told to do something. It was a simple something. It only involved sitting still and being a good example for his younger brother. He chose several times not to do what he was told and so he paid a consequence of going to his room and not participating in what we were doing as a family. When he was taken to his room, he cried like I have never heard him cry before. It was as if his heart was broken - torn apart. Once he calmed down, we talked about what happened and he was able to come back into the living room but the activity he wanted to participate in was already over. Later that night he told me he would be better next time because he wanted to be able to finish playing with everyone. He understood the consequence of his actions and because of his "broken heart" he was able to determine that he did not want to go down that path again. If only we could realize our sin and repent as quickly as a child.

I happen to think verse 14 is quite funny. Joel says, "Who knows? He may turn and have pity..." Truthfully, who knows but God what the outcome of our repentance will be. Ultimately, we don't know if God will change the circumstances our sin has placed us in. What we can know is that God is good and kind. He is compassionate and will see us through, even if our consequences leave us in a situation that is difficult to navigate or seems impossible to understand. God is there and his love will surround us.

My prayer this week is that God will reveal my sin so that I may fully repent with a heart that is torn apart.

Have a blessed week!

My Two Boys

Having two children is a lot harder than having one. With Ethan, I still had free time. If I wanted to go do something it was easy to find someone to watch him. If I needed to go somewhere, I got him ready and we hoped in the car. With two children, there is constantly something to do. I feel this weird guilt asking someone to watch a baby and a two year old at the same time. Getting them both ready to go somewhere can take longer than it is worth. But even with all the craziness that having two children causes, I am in love with being a mom of two.

When I gave birth to Ethan I knew that my love for him would be something I had never experienced before. I had no clue that, for me, it would be so instantaneous. From the first second I saw his little face I was completely in love.

Again, I had no clue what to expect when Evan arrived in May this year. I was worried that my love wouldn't be enough for two. I was worried that my sweet love for Ethan would overwhelm what I was able to give Evan. It didn't happen that way at all. My heart opened even further and made just the right amount of room for our new addition.

Evan began his life with a week long stay in the NICU. It was scary and sad but he was nowhere near as sick as many of the other babies there. When we brought Ethan to meet him at the hospital, he showed very little interest in the baby. I guess the big hospital ands all the new things he had never seen were more important to check out.

Ethan was being difficult to deal with at home for Daddy. I stayed at the hospital most of the week but did have to come home and help calm Ethan down at one point. I had never seen him throw a full-out tantrum and I was getting worried that he would act this way forever because of the new baby. Yikes! Thankfully, we figured out that he wasn't feeling well and once we got him some medication he was back to his usual self.

From the first day we brought Evan home, Ethan has LOVED that baby. He would kiss his head, want to pick him up when he was crying, and even tried to make him a bottle one time. Even now, Ethan asks about Evan every day when I pick him up from daycare. One of the first things he does in the morning is look for the baby, get close to his face and say, "Awwww, baby!"

Evan adores Ethan as well. Some of his biggest smiles come when Ethan is talking to him or playing in front of him. I pray every day that their relationship continues on this path and that they can be there for each other for anything and everything through the rest of their lives.

Having two children is a lot harder than having one but it is so worth it!

Ethan - Two years, 3 months,

A post I wrote for Ethan back in April 2013.

I know as the months go by and we welcome our new baby boy into the world I will wish that I took more time to document all the wonderful things Ethan is doing and learning. A friend of mine made a similar post about her little girl and I should send her a special thank you for reminding me that taking time for making notes about these things is important. We will never get this time back and often the best stories to rub in their faces when they're older can be forgotten. :) So, here's a post just for you, Ethan.

A few of your favorite things:

Building and stacking with blocks - You love to build things really tall and then completely destroy them. But if someone destroys your tower before you have deemed it tall enough stand back and beware of Ethan's wrath. Ha!

Cars with your orange car track, trains with your plastic and wood tracks and planes flying through the sky. When we are out in public you love to point out the buses and when we see one bus you often say "More bus, momma?" Sometimes I drive you through the school bus barn close by our house just to see how excited you get about all the yellow buses. You also get really excited when a plane flys overhead while we are playing outside. You stop everything you're doing to look up and try and find it. You are always talking about the cars driving down the road and in the parking lots we pass while we are driving.

Your favorite shows to watch in the morning are Super Why (you love the letters) and Dinosaur Train (of course, a train show). When we watch TV in the afternoon you often ask for "Bob" (Bob the Builder), "Horse" (Horton Hears a Who) or "Buzz" (Toy Story).

We often watch "Wheel of Fortune" as a family and you love to call out letters and clap with the audience after each round. You get very excited when your letters come up but sometimes get upset when the contestants don't call your letters, even when they have already been called.

You know many of your letters and love to talk about letters. You have started to associate some letters with names - D for Daddy, B for Baby, M for Momma, etc. You haven't started counting on your own but you like counting along with Momma when we read books or count objects. You also know a few colors - your favorite colors are orange "orsh", blue "bu" and yellow "wellow".

You love Daddy's tools and often sneak into his boxes or open tool sets to work on your toys. You love to work along side Daddy when he is working around the house. You have hammered, shimmed doors, screwed in screws and much more. I know you will be a big helper for Daddy as you get older.

Of course, you love to play "owsigh" - outside - and go "dowstay" - downstairs

You enjoy eating on your own. You love to use your own utensils and have even started learning to drink from an open cup (only in the kitchen).

Your favorite things to say:

"Dan du" - Thank you

"Awie" - Sorry

"Es" - Yes

"No" - there is no mistaking when you say no :)

"Twint" - Drink

"Cracker"

"Eat"

"Bye, bye"

You are adding words to your vocabulary daily and I love hearing you try to say new things. I still haven't gotten you to say I love you. One time, and one time only, you have said "wub". In time, I guess.

You say "Hannah" for Grandma when talking about Nathan's mom. We aren't sure where you got that from but at least we know who you are talking about.

You are stubborn - Wonder where you got that from?

Although you like to get your way, you are good listener and most of time I don't have to tell you something more than twice. You understand the consequence of time out and will often change your mind about minding Mommy and Daddy if we talk about time out. If you do go to time out, you sit in your chair and always say you are sorry and give hugs when time out is over.

Bedtime used to go smoothly until about a month ago. Now that you are able to communicate better you are often not interested in going to bed. Instead you say things like, "Eat, momma. Drink, momma. Bus. Book. No, night, night." You love to read the "mice book" - Lullaby Moon and the "bus book" - Wheels on the Bus along with many others. Sometimes in the morning if you haven't tried to call out for us or knock on your door to get our attention, I will check on you and you will be reading to yourself in bed quietly.

A few more fun things about you:

You love your sitter, Mrs. Bobbi and you love all your friends there. You often talk about them by name. In the morning, I only have to ask one time if you are ready to go to see Mrs. Bobbi and you are at the door waiting to leave the house.

When I pick you up from Mrs. Bobbi's you often say "want home." You are a homebody and love to be cuddled up on your couch in our living room or play with your toys. You don't mind going out to eat dinner but you would rather spend your time playing at home.

Since Momma is pregnant and we talk about the baby in her belly a lot, you have decided that every belly button contains a baby. Daddy has a baby, Momma has a baby and Ethan has a baby. I am sure that if anyone else showed you their belly button they would definitely have a baby also.

You are fascinated with "ow, ows". Any scratch, scrap or freckle is an "ow" and needs to be taken care of. You even use "ow" as an excuse to not do things. If it is time to get off the couch, you will sometimes act like you got your foot stuck and then pull it out saying "Ow, Momma." or if you are getting in trouble for something you might hold out your hands and say "ow" several times.

We haven't started seriously potty training yet. We aren't stressing about it since we have the new baby on the way. I figure you will pick it up when you are ready.

My favorite recent story:

The other day you tried to step on a picture frame that was on the floor. I told you not to and you tried it again. I said, "Ethan, look at me." This is my go to phrase lately when I want you to know I am serious. You turned to me and gave me a weird look, then you took a couple steps and stood right in front of me. You put your little hands on my cheeks, puckered up and leaned in to kiss me.

I instantly started laughing and apparently a kiss isn't a kiss unless it is returned so you continued to rub your slobbery lips all over me until I got my laughing under control and kissed you back. Gross!

Your personality:

You are always so concerned about others and your sweet spirit makes me teary eyed sometimes. You often say "oh, no" when watching TV shows and it is normally because someone is hurt or in trouble. You love to give hugs and kisses, especially when you can tell Momma or Daddy don't feel good or they are tired. I don't know how we are so blessed with such a caring and loving child but it is one of the best feelings in the world. Holding your hand as we walk together is one of my favorite things.

You are precious and perfect in so many ways. You make us happy and frustrated and proud all the time. I never knew I could love someone so much.

Remembering to Play

This week has been a week of playing. We have played the front yard, backyard, living room, basement...really, anywhere. The weather was so beautiful, I just couldn't say no to letting Ethan enjoy the outdoors when we got home each day. Nathan was able to be home in the afternoons/evenings this week as well so we all had a great time. From bubbles to slides, from cardboard houses to tricycles - I don't think we could have had more fun. Of course, Ethan wouldn't agree with that last sentence. He would have stayed outside long into the night. :)

I feel so blessed to have such a loving, sweet 2 year old. The other day I was getting onto him for stepping on a picture frame on the floor. I said to him, "Ethan, look at me." When those words come out of my mouth, he knows I mean business. He looked at me with a strange look then took two big steps to stand right in front of me. He took my face in his little hands, puckered up and then leaned in to kiss me. All seriousness was gone. I was cracking up. But since I was laughing, I wasn't kissing him back which apparently is no good. So, he slobbered all over my face until I finally got myself together enough to kiss him back. He knows how to sweeten up Mommy.

Today marks the 34 weeks of pregnancy with baby boy #2. I am sure everyone who has been pregnant feels this way but I can't believe I'm this far along already and yet the remaining weeks seem like they will drag on for years. I have been pretty sick, with non-baby illness, during this entire pregnancy. I'm thankful that I didn't deal with a lot of morning sickness and overall my body isn't hating me yet. But all this respiratory illness and the stomach bugs can hit the road. I am praying that after the baby is born my immune system will return to full function.

We are scheduled for a c-section on June 7th at 7:30 in the morning. Since my mom has booked flights, I am really hoping the baby holds out until that date. It is going to a be really neat time! I am so curious about how Ethan will take to the new baby and what he will think when we bring him home. He has always enjoyed babies and been very sweet to the little ones at the sitter's house but this one won't ever leave. Ha!

We are still working out a name for the baby. Nathan has promised we can narrow it down and make a decision by the weekend. Naming a second child has proven to be quite a challenge. Hope to have some news on that front by Saturday. :)

I will leave you with a picture of Ethan, playing in his cardboard house.

Hope you all enjoy a fun rest of the week - with lots of playing outside, inside or wherever suits your fancy. :)

Trading Chaos Later for Memories Now

I have spent the weekend catching up on everything under the sun. Bills, grocery shopping, laundry, work to-do list, decorating some areas of the house and of course extra play time with Ethan. Don't know what it is about the past few months but I have let things get out of control. Maybe it is being a parent. Maybe it has something to do with working at four different places and not knowing my schedule until the day of. Or maybe it was my short but complete obsession with the first three seasons of The Vampire Diaries. (Can't wait for the season premiere this fall, by the way!) I guess all there is to say right now is...everything turned out okay. Maybe I should take a lesson from the last few months and give in a little on my need for everything in my life to be neat and tidy.

When I think back over the past few months I got to spend some wonderful time with my family in exchange for this slight chaos I created. I spent a week in Texas with my family. We planned another rendezvous for July so Elizabeth can come spend a week with me this summer. Nathan and I have had two successful dates including dinner/lunch and movies. I took Ethan for a spontaneous afternoon in the park, just the two of us. Nathan, Ethan and I spent an entire Saturday in Branson, enjoying each other's company with no real plans or need to go anywhere in particular. The birds in my yard are happy with the abundance of bird food/water that usually falls by the wayside because I have "something else to do." Overall, I would say the past few months were pretty successful.

Maybe the next few months will be a repeat and I will have another weekend of playing catch up. Somehow, I think I would be okay with that. :)

Positive Impact

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his GOOD LIFE, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:13-16

Tonight was an amazing Bible study, to say the least. It was as if every word spoken was aimed directly at me. I have been going to a women's Bible study for four weeks now. I have made it every Wednesday night so far.  I try to do the weekly homework, which has proven to be hard with a crazy, hectic schedule and a one year-old wanting my attention. (Still working on Goal #2 for this year...going to take me a little longer to accomplish than I thought.) Each week of this study has enlightened me a little more to the life of James...but this week was different. Tonight I was enlightened to a few pieces of my own life. I started to write a long piece about everything we went over but decided it would be more beneficial to bullet point what hit home for me...

• There are dangers to living a life that has even has a hint of envy, jealousy or selfish ambition.
• God desires for us to live a life full of mercy and good deeds toward those in need.
• The words "those in need" do not just mean people who are financially poor.
• If we have envy, jealousy or selfish ambition weighing us down, our mercy and good deeds will be stifled.
• Even if you feel like your envy, jealousy or selfish ambition is warranted or justified...if you feel like your envy is small....if you feel like your selfish ambition is healthy for a woman in your situation....if you feel like these things aren't a big deal...They are a BIG deal to God!
• I need to be willing to yield: focus on the here and now. As a whole, we should slow this fast paced life that we lead and take a step back to let others through the narrow passages we create in our lives.

Take action: Take your ear buds out, put your Kindle down, pull your nose out of your computer (I see the irony in that last statement) - take a look at life that is happening around you and find ways that you can positively impact people daily. I am really speaking to myself here.

Impact your family.

Impact those you work with.

Impact people wherever you go.

Change the outlook of someone's day and maybe even your own 

with a positive deed or word of encouragement.

Start now.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit -- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

John 15:16-17 (Jesus speaking)

And of course, we must end on a sweet picture of Ethan.

In his favorite spot...the swing.

Building good habits

Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it.

~Horace Mann

This week I am counting Goal #1 as accomplished. Sunday I put my name on a list to join a women's bible study on Wednesday nights beginning on February 1st. I am very excited to meet some women in the church we are attending and to learn more about the book of James. I have completed Beth Moore studies before and even been to a live taping in Houston, Texas so I know that it will be full of inspiration for a life lived more focused on God. YAY!

So, on to setting Goal #2. As the quote above states, habits are not formed with one simple thread but with many threads woven over days and days to make a strong cable. I have been pondering this second goal for some time but I think I have always made this one a little more difficult than it has to be. I always heard that there was this magical number of days that you needed to do something to make it a habit. Well, apparently that is not true if you look into the research. In fact, they -the researchers- say that it is possible that some people are 'habit-resistant". LOL! That really cracks me up for some reason - probably because I feel like that describes me.

Anywho...Goal #2 is to begin reading my Bible daily.

~30 days in a row to meet the goal~ 

In a Sunday school class I attended recently, the teacher asked what we need to do to be more in tune with God's plan for our lives...the simple answer is to be in tune to His word and spend time in conversation with Him. On Sunday mornings, I am always amazed at how the preacher can spout out Bible verses in the middle of a sermon...not just the location but the entire verse, word-for-word. His son, who preaches sometimes in his absence, can do it too! AMAZING! I would love to have this skill for situations that I come across in daily life. In fact, there have been several times lately that I thought, "Oh, I wish I had a verse to share with this person to encourage them." Hopefully being more in tune to God will allow me to share with others so that they feel uplifted.

In other news, my little baby boy turned one year old last week! He enjoyed cake, presents, balloons, party hats and lots of fun time with family. Along with turning one he has learned to walk, is saying a few more words and is interacting with us in such a fun way. He is adorable and sweet. He is also testing his limits and setting some limits of his own. I am sure he will be an independent little guy...
although I am not sure where he might get that from. Ha! 

I took him to get his first haircut on Monday. Although I am not 100% happy with the cut they gave him, he does look cute. He looks so much older. I just cannot believe a year has already gone by. From what I hear, the years just go by more quickly as you go on. I am looking forward to the Spring (although January sort of feels like Spring so far) when we can get out in the backyard or go to the park and really play hard! He is going to have such a blast this year!!

I am so thankful for my sweet little family.