Bible Study - Joel 2:12-14

"Even now," declares the Lord, "Return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing - grain offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God. - Joel 2:12-14 (NIV)

I've been meditating over something that our pastor said in a sermon a couple of weeks ago.

"It's not about what's in our hands. It's about what's in our hearts."

I think this verse from Joel, gives us something to think about in this regard. Joel says to "Rend your heart and not your garments". In other scriptures, the tearing of a person's clothing would signify a type of grief. Tearing their clothes was a big deal because clothes were not easy to come by like the are for us. They couldn't just go to a mall and pick up something else to wear. It was not cheap to make new clothes and it took time.

I was trying to think of something that might be equivalent for us today and the first thing that came to mind was my car. I could destroy my car because of my guilt and grief to show others how much grief I feel over something. Man, that would stink. I would have to save up money and figure out a way to get around until I was able to get another car. And every time I needed to go somewhere I would remember my grief.

But in this verse, Joel tells us it isn't about what we do on the outside to show that we are grieved or feel guilt for our sins. It is about what's in our heart, which God can see by the way. He knows....even if I were to destroy my car and make a huge outward sign to others...he knows if my heart truly feels the pain of what I've done. In another translation it says, "Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God." - Joel 2:13 (HCS) This really speaks to me. We should be torn up inside and fully repentant for God to consider showing grace. Otherwise, what point is there because we will likely turn right back to the sin that caused our grief in the first place.

Last night, my oldest son got in trouble for not listening when he was told to do something. It was a simple something. It only involved sitting still and being a good example for his younger brother. He chose several times not to do what he was told and so he paid a consequence of going to his room and not participating in what we were doing as a family. When he was taken to his room, he cried like I have never heard him cry before. It was as if his heart was broken - torn apart. Once he calmed down, we talked about what happened and he was able to come back into the living room but the activity he wanted to participate in was already over. Later that night he told me he would be better next time because he wanted to be able to finish playing with everyone. He understood the consequence of his actions and because of his "broken heart" he was able to determine that he did not want to go down that path again. If only we could realize our sin and repent as quickly as a child.

I happen to think verse 14 is quite funny. Joel says, "Who knows? He may turn and have pity..." Truthfully, who knows but God what the outcome of our repentance will be. Ultimately, we don't know if God will change the circumstances our sin has placed us in. What we can know is that God is good and kind. He is compassionate and will see us through, even if our consequences leave us in a situation that is difficult to navigate or seems impossible to understand. God is there and his love will surround us.

My prayer this week is that God will reveal my sin so that I may fully repent with a heart that is torn apart.

Have a blessed week!

My Two Boys

Having two children is a lot harder than having one. With Ethan, I still had free time. If I wanted to go do something it was easy to find someone to watch him. If I needed to go somewhere, I got him ready and we hoped in the car. With two children, there is constantly something to do. I feel this weird guilt asking someone to watch a baby and a two year old at the same time. Getting them both ready to go somewhere can take longer than it is worth. But even with all the craziness that having two children causes, I am in love with being a mom of two.

When I gave birth to Ethan I knew that my love for him would be something I had never experienced before. I had no clue that, for me, it would be so instantaneous. From the first second I saw his little face I was completely in love.

Again, I had no clue what to expect when Evan arrived in May this year. I was worried that my love wouldn't be enough for two. I was worried that my sweet love for Ethan would overwhelm what I was able to give Evan. It didn't happen that way at all. My heart opened even further and made just the right amount of room for our new addition.

Evan began his life with a week long stay in the NICU. It was scary and sad but he was nowhere near as sick as many of the other babies there. When we brought Ethan to meet him at the hospital, he showed very little interest in the baby. I guess the big hospital ands all the new things he had never seen were more important to check out.

Ethan was being difficult to deal with at home for Daddy. I stayed at the hospital most of the week but did have to come home and help calm Ethan down at one point. I had never seen him throw a full-out tantrum and I was getting worried that he would act this way forever because of the new baby. Yikes! Thankfully, we figured out that he wasn't feeling well and once we got him some medication he was back to his usual self.

From the first day we brought Evan home, Ethan has LOVED that baby. He would kiss his head, want to pick him up when he was crying, and even tried to make him a bottle one time. Even now, Ethan asks about Evan every day when I pick him up from daycare. One of the first things he does in the morning is look for the baby, get close to his face and say, "Awwww, baby!"

Evan adores Ethan as well. Some of his biggest smiles come when Ethan is talking to him or playing in front of him. I pray every day that their relationship continues on this path and that they can be there for each other for anything and everything through the rest of their lives.

Having two children is a lot harder than having one but it is so worth it!

Ethan - Two years, 3 months,

A post I wrote for Ethan back in April 2013.

I know as the months go by and we welcome our new baby boy into the world I will wish that I took more time to document all the wonderful things Ethan is doing and learning. A friend of mine made a similar post about her little girl and I should send her a special thank you for reminding me that taking time for making notes about these things is important. We will never get this time back and often the best stories to rub in their faces when they're older can be forgotten. :) So, here's a post just for you, Ethan.

A few of your favorite things:

Building and stacking with blocks - You love to build things really tall and then completely destroy them. But if someone destroys your tower before you have deemed it tall enough stand back and beware of Ethan's wrath. Ha!

Cars with your orange car track, trains with your plastic and wood tracks and planes flying through the sky. When we are out in public you love to point out the buses and when we see one bus you often say "More bus, momma?" Sometimes I drive you through the school bus barn close by our house just to see how excited you get about all the yellow buses. You also get really excited when a plane flys overhead while we are playing outside. You stop everything you're doing to look up and try and find it. You are always talking about the cars driving down the road and in the parking lots we pass while we are driving.

Your favorite shows to watch in the morning are Super Why (you love the letters) and Dinosaur Train (of course, a train show). When we watch TV in the afternoon you often ask for "Bob" (Bob the Builder), "Horse" (Horton Hears a Who) or "Buzz" (Toy Story).

We often watch "Wheel of Fortune" as a family and you love to call out letters and clap with the audience after each round. You get very excited when your letters come up but sometimes get upset when the contestants don't call your letters, even when they have already been called.

You know many of your letters and love to talk about letters. You have started to associate some letters with names - D for Daddy, B for Baby, M for Momma, etc. You haven't started counting on your own but you like counting along with Momma when we read books or count objects. You also know a few colors - your favorite colors are orange "orsh", blue "bu" and yellow "wellow".

You love Daddy's tools and often sneak into his boxes or open tool sets to work on your toys. You love to work along side Daddy when he is working around the house. You have hammered, shimmed doors, screwed in screws and much more. I know you will be a big helper for Daddy as you get older.

Of course, you love to play "owsigh" - outside - and go "dowstay" - downstairs

You enjoy eating on your own. You love to use your own utensils and have even started learning to drink from an open cup (only in the kitchen).

Your favorite things to say:

"Dan du" - Thank you

"Awie" - Sorry

"Es" - Yes

"No" - there is no mistaking when you say no :)

"Twint" - Drink

"Cracker"

"Eat"

"Bye, bye"

You are adding words to your vocabulary daily and I love hearing you try to say new things. I still haven't gotten you to say I love you. One time, and one time only, you have said "wub". In time, I guess.

You say "Hannah" for Grandma when talking about Nathan's mom. We aren't sure where you got that from but at least we know who you are talking about.

You are stubborn - Wonder where you got that from?

Although you like to get your way, you are good listener and most of time I don't have to tell you something more than twice. You understand the consequence of time out and will often change your mind about minding Mommy and Daddy if we talk about time out. If you do go to time out, you sit in your chair and always say you are sorry and give hugs when time out is over.

Bedtime used to go smoothly until about a month ago. Now that you are able to communicate better you are often not interested in going to bed. Instead you say things like, "Eat, momma. Drink, momma. Bus. Book. No, night, night." You love to read the "mice book" - Lullaby Moon and the "bus book" - Wheels on the Bus along with many others. Sometimes in the morning if you haven't tried to call out for us or knock on your door to get our attention, I will check on you and you will be reading to yourself in bed quietly.

A few more fun things about you:

You love your sitter, Mrs. Bobbi and you love all your friends there. You often talk about them by name. In the morning, I only have to ask one time if you are ready to go to see Mrs. Bobbi and you are at the door waiting to leave the house.

When I pick you up from Mrs. Bobbi's you often say "want home." You are a homebody and love to be cuddled up on your couch in our living room or play with your toys. You don't mind going out to eat dinner but you would rather spend your time playing at home.

Since Momma is pregnant and we talk about the baby in her belly a lot, you have decided that every belly button contains a baby. Daddy has a baby, Momma has a baby and Ethan has a baby. I am sure that if anyone else showed you their belly button they would definitely have a baby also.

You are fascinated with "ow, ows". Any scratch, scrap or freckle is an "ow" and needs to be taken care of. You even use "ow" as an excuse to not do things. If it is time to get off the couch, you will sometimes act like you got your foot stuck and then pull it out saying "Ow, Momma." or if you are getting in trouble for something you might hold out your hands and say "ow" several times.

We haven't started seriously potty training yet. We aren't stressing about it since we have the new baby on the way. I figure you will pick it up when you are ready.

My favorite recent story:

The other day you tried to step on a picture frame that was on the floor. I told you not to and you tried it again. I said, "Ethan, look at me." This is my go to phrase lately when I want you to know I am serious. You turned to me and gave me a weird look, then you took a couple steps and stood right in front of me. You put your little hands on my cheeks, puckered up and leaned in to kiss me.

I instantly started laughing and apparently a kiss isn't a kiss unless it is returned so you continued to rub your slobbery lips all over me until I got my laughing under control and kissed you back. Gross!

Your personality:

You are always so concerned about others and your sweet spirit makes me teary eyed sometimes. You often say "oh, no" when watching TV shows and it is normally because someone is hurt or in trouble. You love to give hugs and kisses, especially when you can tell Momma or Daddy don't feel good or they are tired. I don't know how we are so blessed with such a caring and loving child but it is one of the best feelings in the world. Holding your hand as we walk together is one of my favorite things.

You are precious and perfect in so many ways. You make us happy and frustrated and proud all the time. I never knew I could love someone so much.

Remembering to Play

This week has been a week of playing. We have played the front yard, backyard, living room, basement...really, anywhere. The weather was so beautiful, I just couldn't say no to letting Ethan enjoy the outdoors when we got home each day. Nathan was able to be home in the afternoons/evenings this week as well so we all had a great time. From bubbles to slides, from cardboard houses to tricycles - I don't think we could have had more fun. Of course, Ethan wouldn't agree with that last sentence. He would have stayed outside long into the night. :)

I feel so blessed to have such a loving, sweet 2 year old. The other day I was getting onto him for stepping on a picture frame on the floor. I said to him, "Ethan, look at me." When those words come out of my mouth, he knows I mean business. He looked at me with a strange look then took two big steps to stand right in front of me. He took my face in his little hands, puckered up and then leaned in to kiss me. All seriousness was gone. I was cracking up. But since I was laughing, I wasn't kissing him back which apparently is no good. So, he slobbered all over my face until I finally got myself together enough to kiss him back. He knows how to sweeten up Mommy.

Today marks the 34 weeks of pregnancy with baby boy #2. I am sure everyone who has been pregnant feels this way but I can't believe I'm this far along already and yet the remaining weeks seem like they will drag on for years. I have been pretty sick, with non-baby illness, during this entire pregnancy. I'm thankful that I didn't deal with a lot of morning sickness and overall my body isn't hating me yet. But all this respiratory illness and the stomach bugs can hit the road. I am praying that after the baby is born my immune system will return to full function.

We are scheduled for a c-section on June 7th at 7:30 in the morning. Since my mom has booked flights, I am really hoping the baby holds out until that date. It is going to a be really neat time! I am so curious about how Ethan will take to the new baby and what he will think when we bring him home. He has always enjoyed babies and been very sweet to the little ones at the sitter's house but this one won't ever leave. Ha!

We are still working out a name for the baby. Nathan has promised we can narrow it down and make a decision by the weekend. Naming a second child has proven to be quite a challenge. Hope to have some news on that front by Saturday. :)

I will leave you with a picture of Ethan, playing in his cardboard house.

Hope you all enjoy a fun rest of the week - with lots of playing outside, inside or wherever suits your fancy. :)

Trading Chaos Later for Memories Now

I have spent the weekend catching up on everything under the sun. Bills, grocery shopping, laundry, work to-do list, decorating some areas of the house and of course extra play time with Ethan. Don't know what it is about the past few months but I have let things get out of control. Maybe it is being a parent. Maybe it has something to do with working at four different places and not knowing my schedule until the day of. Or maybe it was my short but complete obsession with the first three seasons of The Vampire Diaries. (Can't wait for the season premiere this fall, by the way!) I guess all there is to say right now is...everything turned out okay. Maybe I should take a lesson from the last few months and give in a little on my need for everything in my life to be neat and tidy.

When I think back over the past few months I got to spend some wonderful time with my family in exchange for this slight chaos I created. I spent a week in Texas with my family. We planned another rendezvous for July so Elizabeth can come spend a week with me this summer. Nathan and I have had two successful dates including dinner/lunch and movies. I took Ethan for a spontaneous afternoon in the park, just the two of us. Nathan, Ethan and I spent an entire Saturday in Branson, enjoying each other's company with no real plans or need to go anywhere in particular. The birds in my yard are happy with the abundance of bird food/water that usually falls by the wayside because I have "something else to do." Overall, I would say the past few months were pretty successful.

Maybe the next few months will be a repeat and I will have another weekend of playing catch up. Somehow, I think I would be okay with that. :)

Positive Impact

"Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his GOOD LIFE, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such 'wisdom' does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice." James 3:13-16

Tonight was an amazing Bible study, to say the least. It was as if every word spoken was aimed directly at me. I have been going to a women's Bible study for four weeks now. I have made it every Wednesday night so far.  I try to do the weekly homework, which has proven to be hard with a crazy, hectic schedule and a one year-old wanting my attention. (Still working on Goal #2 for this year...going to take me a little longer to accomplish than I thought.) Each week of this study has enlightened me a little more to the life of James...but this week was different. Tonight I was enlightened to a few pieces of my own life. I started to write a long piece about everything we went over but decided it would be more beneficial to bullet point what hit home for me...

• There are dangers to living a life that has even has a hint of envy, jealousy or selfish ambition.
• God desires for us to live a life full of mercy and good deeds toward those in need.
• The words "those in need" do not just mean people who are financially poor.
• If we have envy, jealousy or selfish ambition weighing us down, our mercy and good deeds will be stifled.
• Even if you feel like your envy, jealousy or selfish ambition is warranted or justified...if you feel like your envy is small....if you feel like your selfish ambition is healthy for a woman in your situation....if you feel like these things aren't a big deal...They are a BIG deal to God!
• I need to be willing to yield: focus on the here and now. As a whole, we should slow this fast paced life that we lead and take a step back to let others through the narrow passages we create in our lives.

Take action: Take your ear buds out, put your Kindle down, pull your nose out of your computer (I see the irony in that last statement) - take a look at life that is happening around you and find ways that you can positively impact people daily. I am really speaking to myself here.

Impact your family.

Impact those you work with.

Impact people wherever you go.

Change the outlook of someone's day and maybe even your own 

with a positive deed or word of encouragement.

Start now.

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit -- fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other."

John 15:16-17 (Jesus speaking)

And of course, we must end on a sweet picture of Ethan.

In his favorite spot...the swing.

Building good habits

Habit is a cable; we weave a thread each day, and at last we cannot break it.

~Horace Mann

This week I am counting Goal #1 as accomplished. Sunday I put my name on a list to join a women's bible study on Wednesday nights beginning on February 1st. I am very excited to meet some women in the church we are attending and to learn more about the book of James. I have completed Beth Moore studies before and even been to a live taping in Houston, Texas so I know that it will be full of inspiration for a life lived more focused on God. YAY!

So, on to setting Goal #2. As the quote above states, habits are not formed with one simple thread but with many threads woven over days and days to make a strong cable. I have been pondering this second goal for some time but I think I have always made this one a little more difficult than it has to be. I always heard that there was this magical number of days that you needed to do something to make it a habit. Well, apparently that is not true if you look into the research. In fact, they -the researchers- say that it is possible that some people are 'habit-resistant". LOL! That really cracks me up for some reason - probably because I feel like that describes me.

Anywho...Goal #2 is to begin reading my Bible daily.

~30 days in a row to meet the goal~ 

In a Sunday school class I attended recently, the teacher asked what we need to do to be more in tune with God's plan for our lives...the simple answer is to be in tune to His word and spend time in conversation with Him. On Sunday mornings, I am always amazed at how the preacher can spout out Bible verses in the middle of a sermon...not just the location but the entire verse, word-for-word. His son, who preaches sometimes in his absence, can do it too! AMAZING! I would love to have this skill for situations that I come across in daily life. In fact, there have been several times lately that I thought, "Oh, I wish I had a verse to share with this person to encourage them." Hopefully being more in tune to God will allow me to share with others so that they feel uplifted.

In other news, my little baby boy turned one year old last week! He enjoyed cake, presents, balloons, party hats and lots of fun time with family. Along with turning one he has learned to walk, is saying a few more words and is interacting with us in such a fun way. He is adorable and sweet. He is also testing his limits and setting some limits of his own. I am sure he will be an independent little guy...
although I am not sure where he might get that from. Ha! 

I took him to get his first haircut on Monday. Although I am not 100% happy with the cut they gave him, he does look cute. He looks so much older. I just cannot believe a year has already gone by. From what I hear, the years just go by more quickly as you go on. I am looking forward to the Spring (although January sort of feels like Spring so far) when we can get out in the backyard or go to the park and really play hard! He is going to have such a blast this year!!

I am so thankful for my sweet little family.

Changes

This post starts the beginning of a wonderful time - a new year - a mystery of things that are possible.

Nathan and I have made commitments to change many things this year and I am very excited. The first thing changing is my work schedule. I am hoping that sometime in February I will be going PRN (as needed) at the hospital, while I also work PRN for a couple of other companies. This restructuring of my schedule will allow me more time at home with my family!! :) With this change also come changes in Nathan's schedule. Less on-call weekends = more weekends home with us! We are very excited to slow down the pace of our lives at work so that we can gear up our lives at home a little more!

Another big change coming up soon...we will have a 1 year old in 2 weeks!!!! I would say that I can't believe it but each day that I look at him he looks more and more like a little man. He has the sweetest soul - the most precious laugh - and gives the best wet kisses. His newest achievements include saying the words "ball" and "door", taking up to 5 independent steps, and eating anything you put in front of him. :) On another note, I think a little bit of my stubborn side is coming out in him recently. This, I am sure, will only get worse as time goes on. Ha! I can't wait to let him dig into some cake and celebrate the day our hearts all melted at the sight of his face.

Instead of making resolutions this year, I am going to make single goals. As I reach each goal, I will make a new one. Haven't ever tried to do things this way so we will see how it goes.

Goal 1 - Find a Bible study. As our work and home lives start to transition, I am praying that God will lead us to a place of service for Him. I am not sure where to begin this search but something will come along. :)

Well, I guess that is about it for now. I am sure there will be other major changes in our lives as we make these changes. The journey of life is full of unexpected twists and turns.

It's Ethan's first Christmas season!

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November - A month of thanks-giving!

A few of my friends on Facebook are posting a daily item that they are thankful for. I thought that posting here would help me utilize my blog a little more this month. I am little behind so here goes...

I AM THANKFUL FOR...

1. A wonderful Christian family that has given me a firm foundation! I remember growing up watching my grandma and mom reading their Bible and their Sunday School lessons each week. I pray that I can be that sort of example for my son.

2. My husband who supports my every want and dream. He is an amazing husband and daddy! He is always caring, slow to anger and full of patience.

3. My baby boy, Ethan. He has given me a love I cannot put in words. He is a perfect little mixture of us both and has such a sweet, sweet spirit. I love watching him learn new things each day.

4. My sister, Elizabeth. She changed my life in so many ways she could not even imagine. LOVE YOU, LIZZIE!

5. Broadway Baptist Church. The first church I have found in Springfield that has filled me with a longing to move forward for Christ again.

6. My profession. Being a speech language pathologist is so fulfilling. Like any career, it has it's challenges but the joys are so much bigger. When I walk into work, I have a smile on my face. When I leave, I know I have made a difference.

7. Photographs. They give me the opportunity to look back at special memories and captures memories that I wish would linger. I know that the pictures I have taken of Ethan this year will be treasures for us for so many years!

8. Pizza! My favorite food. I could eat it every day...but I try not to...LOL!

9. Flowers. They remind me of my Grandma White. Sure do miss her.

10. Heated blankets in the winter. :)

11. Planes. I am so excited to fly to Texas for Christmas this year. Flying is going to give us so much more time with my family.

12. A short commute to work. I am so happy with our choice to move into Springfield this year. It gives us so much more time together. :)

13. Reese's peanut butter cups. They are just so yummy!!

14. Kind coworkers. I am so blessed to work in a Christian environment with so many coworkers who support each other.

15. Cookies, cakes and other sweet treats.

16. Fall decorations. They are putting out Christmas decorations way too early. I love pumpkins, corn stalks, acorns, etc.

17. Our home. It is a wonderful, safe place to raise our family.

18. Our garage. Parking inside on cold nights is awesome!!

19. Lazy days full of time with Ethan and napping. :)

20. Music. There is a song for every time in life.

21. Stephanie. She watches Ethan for us while we are at work. She cares for him so well and seeing his happy face when I pick him up lets me know what a fun time he has had every day!! Stephanie, you are amazing and such a God send!!!!

22. A good book. I have always enjoyed reading but got out of the habit during graduate school because of all the textbook reading. It feels so good to read for fun again. :)

23. Comfortable shoes. I don't know how women wear heels all the time. I love my working where I can wear tennis shoes!!

24. Nathan's co-workers. Today I had thanksgiving dinner with one of Nathan's co-workers and his family. They are such a blessing in our lives and have always been so kind.

25. Friends to go Black Friday shopping with. This shopping madness is crazy if you go it alone...ok, it is actually crazy if you go at all. Ha!

26. Ethan's precious smile after a LONG day of work. It makes any day joyful!

27. A random day off with Nathan and Ethan tomorrow. We are going to have fun, fun, fun!!!!

28. The opportunity to go part-time at work after the first of the year. It was a tough decision to make but I know that God will honor my decision to put my family above my career.

29. Christmas decorations. Even though I am not putting a lot out this year, just seeing them around the city makes me happy!!

30. The fact that December brings Christmas and good times with family in Texas. I cannot wait to spend some quality time with my family and let Ethan run around and destroy their house. :) Ha!

And those are the things I am thankful for in November 2011. :)

The Irresistible Wife

Wow...how times gets away from me. Ethan is 8 1/2 months old now. Crawling, pulling up, taking little steps as he plays with his toys. He is getting so big and strong. He says "da-da" ALL THE TIME! :) Nathan is quite proud...and honestly, I am proud for him. He is such a good dad. I couldn't ask for better.

Over the past month or so I have been quite burdened in my life in regards to church and my relationship with Christ. Growing up I was very involved in church and enjoyed all the relationships that I built there. I know that God has had me in his hands all this time, molding me into the person I am today. Although I know that he is with me, I have chosen to lead a life over the past few years that does not involve what he may have for my life. Nathan and I have started visiting a church recently that we both enjoy. The people are nice and the music is wonderful. Most importantly, the message and preaching touch me deeply and inspire me to make changes in my life.

Last weekend Ethan and I went to church by ourselves because Nathan had to work. The sermon was about "The Irresistible Wife." In short, I am a "good" wife but I don't think I am a Godly wife. A Godly wife is not a control freak like me, with something to say about every little thing...she calmly prays for her husband and follows him in the direction that God has set for their lives. Not that she doesn't have input but her words to her husband should be supportive in so many ways. I am praying daily that I will surrender to this type of living. I honestly believe that if I can let go of the control that I seek so much I will find a peace like I have never had before. For so long I have enjoyed the "chaos" of my life but suddenly I find myself longing for the calm of the day. I know that this calm can be found in Christ and the life I should be living in Him.

I am not sure what many of you will think of this post but I am ready to start a new sort of journey. One where I feel fulfilled and my family is full of joy. I want to commit to His purpose once again. So, here I go. Thanks for listening. :)

4 Months

Well, our baby is now a little over 4 months old! Time flies by so fast! I haven't blogged lately but it is hard to blog when you would rather be playing with a sweet little baby. :)

Overall, Ethan's first few months have been an absolute joy! He started sleeping through the night before 2 months old and with a few exceptions he is still sleeping extremely well. I still can't believe what a wonderful demeanor he has...always smiling, laughing and just enjoying life. He is now rolling over both ways, rolling from his back to his belly, holding up his head with his arms while lying on his tummy, putting weight on legs, creeping across the floor a little and so much more. Of course, as a speech pathologist, I would love for him to be way ahead when it comes to verbalizing...however, I think this little boy is going to be all about moving! He does coo and "talk" to us...it is like he is having a full conversation sometimes...so cute!

A little over a month ago we had quite a scare. Nathan and I noticed a slight ridge on Ethan's head and took him to his pediatrician to have it checked out. They were concerned that he had a condition where the skull bones fuse too soon. We were so worried since they sometimes have to do a major skull/head surgery if this is the diagnosis. Immediately, we asked for lots of prayer from all our friends and family. We got in to see Dr. Sami with St. John's very quickly and were OVERJOYED to find out that he only had a slight case of torticollis. The muscles on the left side of his neck were "too tight" causing him to lean his head to that side more often. We did a little bit of physical therapy and things cleared up pretty quickly. This experience has given me so much more empathy for parents who go through horribly scary experiences with outcomes not as positive as ours. The love you find for your child is so much different than anything you could imagine...and the pain you feel when something might be wrong with your child is excruciating. We are so blessed that Ethan is a happy, healthy baby. Thanks to everyone who said a prayer for our little boy. We could feel your concern and compassion for us... it was so comforting!

At his four month check-up, Ethan was in the 30th percentile for his weight and 50th percentile for height...up from 20th percentile for both at birth. He is definitely growing and learning with each new day. Can't wait to see what the next few months bring! :)

Ethan's Arrival

I have been meaning to sit down and write about Ethan's arrival but somehow have not found the time. Ha! Here is a little bit of the story of his arrival. :)

On January 17th, I went to the doctor and my blood pressure was beginning to elevate. They sent me to triage at the hospital for some tests and put me on bed rest. My first thought was..."Bed rest for three weeks?" I wasn't sure that I could make it, but apparently God knew I couldn't make it. On Wednesday, January 19th, Nathan and I went to the doctor's office prepared for another possible trip to the hospital. With my blood pressure going higher and my lab work not looking so hot they sent me to the hospital to be induced. I was filled with so many emotions - excitement, uncertainty, concern, joy...the list could probably go on. Nathan was obviously filled with one emotion - nervousness.

Just after getting settled in at the hospital

Once we arrived at the hospital, they got an IV started and began to induce my labor. I had been uncertain about having an epidural but once the nurse explained the risks of not having one with my blood pressure I opted to have one placed. This portion of the process was quite difficult for me because I am so afraid of needles. I am the girl that passes out every time I have my blood draw unless I lay flat...and I get weak just thinking about blood. Honestly though, looking back, I would do it again. It was almost painless and definitely relieved my pain completely.

**From this point until Ethan was born I remember little of what happened. Nathan had to fill me in a couple of days later.

A doctor came and broke my water. The fluid was apparently blood tinged and my doctor decided that internal monitoring of the baby was a good idea. Thank God they chose to do this because Ethan's heart rate began to drop with each contraction. I could not see the screen keeping track of his heart rate but Nathan said that you could just see the line plummet below "normal." Instantly there were about three or four more people in the room trying to reposition me so that Ethan's heart rate would become more stable. Initially they were not having a lot of success and were telling us that they would have to take me to do a c-section right away. My doctor was only 15 minutes from the hospital but they did not think we could wait that long. Nathan said that they threw scrubs at him and told him to change. Thankfully, they were able to get Ethan's heart rate climbing back up and we were able to wait for my doctor to arrive at the hospital to perform emergency c-section. By this time, I was shaking and scared. I didn't really know what was going on but I knew it couldn't be good.

My doctor came in and talked to me and then they took me to the operating room. Nathan had to wait in my labor and delivery room until they went back to get him. EVERYONE was so nice and understanding of my fear and uncertainty. I cannot count how many times they reassured me and made sure that I was doing alright. They brought Nathan in right before they began the procedure. He was so wonderful. The adrenaline of everything going on around him really gave him a strength to be there for me. Throughout the procedure I was very shaky...which, I now know, is apparently normal. At the time, I wasn't sure why I was shaking and kept trying to control my body. Most of the procedure was full of very odd sensations although I didn't feel any pain.

When Ethan was born I heard him cry almost instantly. Someone made a comment about how alert he was. He became quiet fairly quickly. I watched Nathan as he stood over Ethan while they cleaned him off and checked him over. Nathan took a few pictures. One of the doctors brought Ethan to me. I was able to touch his little leg and say hello. Once they got him all wrapped up Nathan held him and looked so proud. I will never forget these special moments.

Our first family photo :)

The remainder of my surgery took an added amount of time because of some excess bleeding that I had. By the time I left the operating room I was already starting to feel pain. Nathan and I took a few moments to get a couple of pictures before with us together as a family before they took me back to my room. Because of some issues with the IV line for my morphine, I was in quite a bit of pain for the next two to three hours. I have never felt a pain like this and do not really wish to feel that kind of pain again. In addition, I was very nauseated. Due to their concerns related to my blood pressure I had to stay on the labor and delivery floor for 24 hours. It was a long 24 hours. There are many other details of this part of my experience that I will spare you. I will just say that as much as having a c-section scared me, the aftermath of the c-section was very intense for me personally. I am not sure that this would have been the case if I had gone in prepared for a c-section...the whole process was quite overwhelming having not been ready for it.

On Thursday evening, a full 24 hours after Ethan was born, I was moved to a regular room on the Mother's Unit. I got a good night's sleep. The next morning I was soooooo hungry. I have never been so happy to order food in my life! Ha!

Another funny fact...I lost my voice while I was on labor and delivery...why, I am not sure. But for someone who loves to talk it was quite difficult for the next couple of days until my voice recovered. Over the next two days we had several visitors and enjoyed some very special moments with our new little one. On Saturday around noon they let us take him home. It was quite a crazy ride to meet Ethan for the first time but he is such a blessing in our lives. He was worth everything I went through and more. We are loving every moment we get to spend with him. :)

Calm and quiet little Ethan
6 lbs 9 ozs, 20 inches long
Born January 19, 2011 at 9:01 PM

The Last Few Weeks

How crazy?!? I will be 37 weeks (also known as "full term") in just 5 days! I cannot believe that we are this close to meeting our little baby boy! Things are still going wonderfully. I started my weekly doctor appointments this past Monday and I will go every Monday from here until he arrives. The doctor said that I am already starting to dilate and become effaced. I have also been having some contractions inconsistently. We will see if all this might mean that we get to meet our baby a little early. Nathan and I are both going back and forth between nervousness and excitement on a daily basis. I just cannot wait to hold Ethan and watch Nathan as he enjoys being a Dad. It is going to be the most amazing experience!!

The girls at work are giving me a baby shower this Wednesday after work. I am so blessed to work with a wonderful group of women. Every day I am in awe of the blessings I have in my life at home, as well as at work. I could have never dreamed that I would find a job that I enjoyed so much, with people that make it that much better!

We continued a tradition this year for New Year's Eve by joining all his co-workers to celebrate. I believe that this is the 3rd year we have done this and I love it! This year was a little different since I am pregnant. I spent most of the night on the couch catching some Zzzz's and keeping my feet up to avoid swelling. But you better believe I was up at midnight to ring in the New Year with everyone. What an exciting new year it will be for us.

Nathan has already told me that he has Ethan's first father-son outing planned. I had no clue what he was thinking when he mentioned it...and he quickly informed me that he would be taking his son to a record convention so that he can begin teaching him about vinyl early on. Ha! Out little boy is going to love his daddy. You just never know what you are going to get into with him! I really thought he was going to talk about an outing to a lake or river nearby...maybe a trip to Bass Pro Shops...possibly take him to a park or the nature center. But no...my husband wants to teach our baby about vinyl records. Should be interesting...LOL!

Well, time to go off to dream land. Hopefully my next post will be all about meeting baby Ethan.

What's in a name?

Ethan Michael...

Before I got pregnant I used to tease Nathan about picking out baby names. One day he came home from work and announced, "I thought of a baby name today." I was shocked but excited...and curious. He announced his pick of "Ethan" and explained how he liked it because it was similar to his name. I told him that I liked it too and we never really mentioned it much again.

When we found out we were pregnant this year Nathan decided instantly that he thought we were having a girl. He would barely discuss boy names so we decided on a girl name that we both really liked. I was so set to the fact that we were having a girl because EVERYONE (except maybe two or three people) said they really felt like we would have a girl also. When the ultrasound technician told us we were having a boy I was shocked. Even a week after we found out I would still catch myself saying aloud, "I can't believe we're having a boy." Nathan would just laugh at me every time I said it. :)

Needless to say, at least we already had a first name picked out so I didn't have to go through a bunch of baby name books and websites again. Now it was on to the middle name. My middle name is a family name that is very important to me so I had already told Nathan he couldn't argue about a girl's middle name. His response? Well, then you can't argue about a boy's middle name. Eeeek! The control freak in my got a little worried initially but then I thought...how bad could it be?

All the middle names Nathan came up with were wonderful...all family names that had some kind of meaning to him. In the end, he chose to go with his dad's first name, Michael. I LOVE IT! I have started writing it sometimes and even signing some thank you cards with "Baby Ethan." A little silly but it is just too exciting not to include him.

Growing and growing

It has been way, way, way too long since I posted here. Sorry! After my 20 week appointment when we found out we are having a little boy I became so busy traveling for baby showers that the internet took a back seat in my schedule. :)

On September 25 I had my first baby shower in Oklahoma. It was wonderful and so peaceful. My friend Jessica planned everything and my family and couple of friends joined us at Zio's for a relaxing lunch. I got some wonderful gifts and I really treasure each and every one of them!

On October 6 I flew home for two baby showers in Texas with my family and friends. The first shower was on Saturday, October 9 at my grandma's house. My cousin planned this one and, again, it was perfect! I got to visit with ladies that I have known all my life and see their excitement as I talked about how things are progressing in my pregnancy. My great aunt handmade a beautiful quilt for the baby and my cousin embroidered two diaper clothes with the baby's name. All the other gifts were wonderful but these two were extra special.

On Sunday, October 10, I had a baby shower at my mom's house. Two friends of my mom's took care of the planning and I enjoyed some silly games and lots of good food. It was great to visit with friends and church family that I don't get to see much. My little sister gave me a quilt that she made. It is absolutely precious and I know that our little one will love it the most out of all his blankets/quilts. :) I got so many things that we will need as we prepare for a our little boy.

During my Texas baby shower weekend I began to really feel the baby move a lot! It has been so exciting. My grandma and my mom both felt him move while I was visiting. I was so happy to share this special moment with them. After I got home I thought he would never stop wiggling around. Nathan has felt him move quite a bit and sometimes during the day at work I find myself getting distracted as I pay attention to his somersaults. A couple of days ago Nathan's mom got to feel him move for the first time also.

Overall, I am feeling really great. My belly is growing but it is not so big that I am uncomfortable. I still have quite a bit of energy. I have not been sick or really had any major, painful symptoms. I count my blessings daily for such a wonderful pregnancy. With my third trimester just over the horizon, I know that I may start to become more fatigued and uncomfortable. I feel fairly prepared for this and have great support from Nathan and all the ladies I work with. They won't let me do too much. :)

This weekend I have the last of my family baby showers. Nathan's family is putting everything together and I cannot wait to see everyone. This little baby is going to have more than he needs for sure...but it is all filled with love and I know he will feel all that love as well!!

Below is a picture of me at 22 weeks and another at 25 weeks. All the weeks are really beginning to fly by!

It's a Boy!!

Yesterday was my ultrasound to check out the baby and see if we were having a boy or girl. As you can tell from the title....It's a Boy!! My mom was able to fly up and spend the weekend with me. On Monday, my mom and Nathan's mom got to enjoy taking a peek at the baby with us. It was so neat to see him move around and see his little arms and legs. The ultrasound technician told us we were probably going to have our hands full with this little wiggle worm...haha! He also told us it looks like he has long legs...maybe we will have a tall little guy...who knows?! :) All the measurements showed that I may be a little further along than expected - about a week and a half - but not enough to change my due date with the doctor. So, we may end up with a January baby. I am just so excited to be able to start planning the baby's room and start getting everything lined up. My mom and I couldn't help ourselves after the appointment...we went and got a few really cute things for the baby. I am going to try and hold off on too much shopping until after my showers but geesh...baby stuff is just so cute!

My first baby shower is in Tulsa, Oklahoma this week (Thanks, Jessica!). I know it is going to be soooooooo much fun. The next two showers are in Texas the first week of October. After that I have a shower in Missouri the first week of November. Man, my schedule is crazy...but awesome!! :) Then it will be Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years...then Baby Time!! 

I just cannot wait to see Nathan hold his little boy. I got Nathan a few really cute things that I thought he would like for the baby. :)

First Moves

Well, I think I have finally decided that those weird little "pops" in my belly are our little baby moving around. Last week, I was driving to work and felt something in my belly for the first time. I called Nathan with a HUGE smile on my face to tell him, "I think I felt the baby move!" I could hear the smile on his face as he joked around with me about it trying to tell me that it was probably just my imagination. He is always, always joking around but I could tell he was soooo excited too. I hope our baby has his relaxed sense of humor. :) Since then I think I have felt the baby move three or four more times. I know that this will become more frequent in the next few weeks and I just can't wait. I am especially excited for Nathan to be able to feel the baby move although I know it will be a while before we get to that day.

In other baby news, Nathan got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time a little over a week ago at my last doctors appointment. It was so exciting to share that moment with him. Our next big milestone will be finding out the gender. We are on the countdown and only have 2 weeks and 6 days until the big day. My mom will be flying in to spend the weekend and then go to the appointment with us on Monday. Thankfully her flight is late in the afternoon on Monday so after the appointment we can do some shopping for the baby!!!

The weekend after we find out the gender I will be having my first baby shower in Oklahoma. I am really excited to see my family and friends there. From that weekend on, I feel like things are going to move in fast forward. Between 3 more baby showers (two in Texas, one in Missouri), weddings, holidays with family and working it is going to be the first of the year before we know it! I am doing my best to try and savor these next few weeks before the everything gets crazy. For everyone who knows me...savoring moments in time is just a little difficult for me. :)

Well, I guess that is all the new baby info for now. Will update you all when we get our exciting news in just a few weeks! :)

16 Weeks

12 Weeks

This Monday, I had two baby appointments. One appointment was with my doctor to just check in for week 12. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat and my doc said everything was looking really great. My second appointment was to have an ultrasound to measure the fat flap on the back of the baby's head. From the moment the baby showed up on the tv screen they have mounted on the wall I could not stop smiling. I watched the baby moving its arms and legs...bouncing around. It was an amazing feeling. The baby was being a little stubborn about moving into a position where they could measure what they needed so the ultrasound tech took lots of extra pictures for us. We got pictures of the baby's legs crossed, hands, face and profile. It was so awesome to watch it moving and see the little heart beating. The heart rate of the baby was 159.

My next appointment is in four weeks...just a normal appointment. In about eight weeks we will be finding out if it is a girl or boy!!!! :) My mom will be flying up to go with us! Nathan's mom is planning on going with us also. It will be a wonderfully special day.

I just cannot believe that I am already in my second trimester. I was right at 12 weeks along on the day of my appointment. I know that this whole process is going to fly by. I have been feeling good...no real illness. I have been tired but nothing a little extra sleep can't cure. :) I am truly blessed so far.

My very first blog post...

I know, I know...original title. :) I am not really sure how to go about starting a blog so I guess I will just give you all a little bit of info about my life right now.

I have been married to my wonderful husband, Nathan, for a little over 3 years now. He is absolutely spectacular and I could not have chosen a better partner to share my life with. We live near Springfield, Missouri out in the country but are looking to sell our place and move closer into town. Living in the country has been absolutely wonderful but we both are ready for something a little different. We are thinking a little less land and a little more...who knows where we will end up. :)

In May of this year I graduated with my Master's degree in Speech-Language Pathology. I have chosen to work with all ages, although mostly adults, in the medical setting and I am enjoying getting my feet wet in my first job this summer. I am so blessed to have chosen a profession where I can enjoy every moment of helping others!

Perhaps the most exciting news is that Nathan and I are expecting our FIRST BABY this coming February!! We found out this June that we are pregnant and couldn't wait to tell everyone. They say that you may want to wait until you are out of the woods for miscarriage but we just couldn't hold it in! Our first doctor's appointment at 8 weeks went wonderfully. We got to see our little baby and it's heartbeat. It was such a special moment to share together. My next appointment (12 weeks) is this coming Monday and we should get to hear the heartbeat and see another ultrasound of the baby. Nathan really thinks it is going to be a girl...but we will just have to wait and see. On September 20th we will have our appointment to find out if it is a boy or a girl. My mom is flying up from Texas to be with us that day and I could not be more happy that she gets to be here with us!!! We are already going crazy wanting to buy things but we are trying to hold off until we know the gender. I am sure over the next several months my blog will focus on all the changes this baby will bring to our life.

Cannot wait to keep you all updated on the upcoming changes in our life!!